Growing up and reading my older sister's magazines, I remember reading a lot of tips on how to flirt. Classic moves, like making eye contact, holding it for two seconds, looking away, and looking back. Drawing attention to your mouth, by sucking on a straw or eating a conveniently located piece of fruit. And of course, making sure your claddagh ring is turned the right way around -this one's a rookie mistake. Ridiculous moves, hence I never try any of them and instead rely on talking to them a lot, thinking about them a lot and “liking” their Facebook photos when I'm drunk. Heads up: it's not the most effective method.
Of course, these days there are some tried and true ways to attract that special someone. Straight girls, why not make out with one of your girl friends at a bar which your local sports teams frequent? This strategy is based on the "draw attention to your mouth" tenet but takes it to a whole new level. Just be careful you don't genuinely get turned on, take her home and have the best night of your life -unless there's a guy there recording you, it means you've done it all wrong.
Dudebros, finding it hard to meet chicks? Lucky for you there are now many books out there to guide you in becoming a successful PUA (that's pick-up artist for you laymen... and you will be lay men!) I gotta warn you, these books can be a little word-y, and don't have too many pictures but thankfully they use a lot of neat code words like BHRR (Bait, Hook, Reel, Release) and Freeze Zone (see, it's just like video games!) And look at it this way, what does one book on emotionally and psychologically manipulating a woman into bed with you cost? Ten, twelve bucks? And what do five double-vodka redbulls cost? Exactly.
But what if you're not a total douchebag, and what if eyelash-batting and lip-biting make you feel like the tool they should?
Well fret not, wallflowers, Studio Roosegaarde has got yo' shy backs.
Introducing Intimacy -the dress that flirts for you.
Okay.. I should point out this is really only an option for those too-shy-to-ask-for-a-number-but-not-too-shy-to-go-out-wearing-some-shredded-stationery-supplies. Perhaps a niche market. I won't bother putting the dress down on the basis that it's ugly and stupid and we can all see her bottom, because it's conceptual, I get it. However, that means the concept is fair game.
And the concept is ALL wrong. Parts of the dress become transparent when your heart-rate increases. Not when you lick your lips suggestively, or toss your hair suggestively or make sexual innuendo er.. suggestively, or do other lame flirty things, but when your heart rate increases. Do heart rates even increase when flirting?! I thought any flirt-related physiological activity occurred in the brain. Or in the pants, but mostly the brain.
Often, if your heart starts pounding (and you're not pounding) it might mean you're angry -like when you're at a bar and a stranger behind you digs his paw at you from behind, squeezing you so hard under your dress it hurts, and when you turn around there are three men grinning to each other and you don't even know whose nose to break. Or sometimes your heart may start to race when you're intimidated -like when a guy you don't know approaches you, and when you return to your friends he gets upset and follows you around the rest of the night calling you a stuck-up bitch. I'm just not sure that a dress which responds to these kinds of scenarios by revealing some side-boob is such a good idea.
And herein lies the garment's fatal flaw. Despite the futuristic technology involved, the flirt dress is positively Stone Age in its design. For decades, we've been arguing that a woman's outfit does not signify her sexual intentions, and that short skirts and low shirts does not mean “she wants it.” Now here's a dress designed to re-establish the connection between how much flesh she's baring and how much she's interested. Gross.
If there's a part of you that still thinks there's something sort of neat about an outfit being able to communicate when you really do want to flirt with someone, but you don't want to spend a gazillion dollars on a dress that looks like something they put around a cat's neck post-neutering, well then just undo one more button for chrissakes.
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