Teenage-Me cannot accept this. Kim and Thurston belong together! They are proof that true love and marriage doesn't just happen to saps! They are iconic! This is like hearing Barbie and Ken -actually, shit, even they called it quits didn't they? (-though I think the ol' erectile dysfunction proved a great strain on that relationship.) But it's weird you know? What gives after 27 years? Allow me to speculate, despite having never met either of them* or knowing any of the details. I can't help but wonder if one of them pulled an asshole move on the other.
Was Kim secretly getting it on with Lee Ranaldo? Was Thurston??
Or did they just naturally drift apart over the years?
It happens. After all, we're constantly growing and changing. Is it reasonable to think somebody who loves you at twenty when you're enthusiastic and fun and cute will still love you at fifty when you're bitter and cynical and wear mom jeans, unironically? Alright, just kidding, I'll skip the tired stereotypes about marriage and parenthood and ageing and how everyone eventually gets old and boring and only wants to talk about diapers and dining room furniture. (Oh, the table extends out to make room for twelve guests?? That would be awesome if your coke-fuelled-swinging-dinner-party days weren't behind you!)
Take me for example. I wouldn't date Decade-Ago-Me in a million years. And not just because it would be weirdly incestuous, egomaniacal or constitute statutory rape. But because looking back I was sort of a self-righteous, insecure conservative (not that I knew it). I'm completely different now, I promise, and am only ever one of those things, and even then, only sometimes. But my point is that we change, sometimes radically, and just because you fall head over heels for someone amazing doesn't guarantee they won't mutate into a complete stranger who wears Crocs, listens to Nickelback and goes to the gym 'for fun', over the course of a long term relationship. (At least in that case you can always get the marriage anulled by claiming it was never consummated, because even papal law acknowledges that nobody who listens to Nickelback ever gets laid.)
Of course, I'm not saying marriage can't be forever, it clearly works out for some people. It's going well for my parents, so far at least. Thirty-three years and they're still happy as a couple of pigs rolling around in holy matrimony. But according to the stats, around half of all marriages now end in divorce. Okay, that's in the US, where another 10% probably ends in gun-related homicide, but let's be real, if that's the US rate, it will probably spread like a plague here too soon enough, just like with Starbucks.
Was Kim secretly getting it on with Lee Ranaldo? Was Thurston??
Or did they just naturally drift apart over the years?
It happens. After all, we're constantly growing and changing. Is it reasonable to think somebody who loves you at twenty when you're enthusiastic and fun and cute will still love you at fifty when you're bitter and cynical and wear mom jeans, unironically? Alright, just kidding, I'll skip the tired stereotypes about marriage and parenthood and ageing and how everyone eventually gets old and boring and only wants to talk about diapers and dining room furniture. (Oh, the table extends out to make room for twelve guests?? That would be awesome if your coke-fuelled-swinging-dinner-party days weren't behind you!)
Take me for example. I wouldn't date Decade-Ago-Me in a million years. And not just because it would be weirdly incestuous, egomaniacal or constitute statutory rape. But because looking back I was sort of a self-righteous, insecure conservative (not that I knew it). I'm completely different now, I promise, and am only ever one of those things, and even then, only sometimes. But my point is that we change, sometimes radically, and just because you fall head over heels for someone amazing doesn't guarantee they won't mutate into a complete stranger who wears Crocs, listens to Nickelback and goes to the gym 'for fun', over the course of a long term relationship. (At least in that case you can always get the marriage anulled by claiming it was never consummated, because even papal law acknowledges that nobody who listens to Nickelback ever gets laid.)
Of course, I'm not saying marriage can't be forever, it clearly works out for some people. It's going well for my parents, so far at least. Thirty-three years and they're still happy as a couple of pigs rolling around in holy matrimony. But according to the stats, around half of all marriages now end in divorce. Okay, that's in the US, where another 10% probably ends in gun-related homicide, but let's be real, if that's the US rate, it will probably spread like a plague here too soon enough, just like with Starbucks.
To be clear, I don't consider a marriage that ends in divorce to be a 'failed marriage'. If it sucks, get the hell out. The idea of staying with someone who no longer wants to make out or insults you in front of your friends at parties or hits you, just because you made a promise to God during a drunken weekend in Vegas is way too Old Testament for me. F that noise. Stay with someone as long as you're both happy, make an effort when things get tough, know when to call it a day. Move on and meet someone else awesome, who makes you feel awesome, and let your ex do the same. Only chumps stay in unhappy marriages. Chumps and people whose greencards have yet to be finalised. Well, and fathers who don't want to lose access to their kids. And women who are afraid that if they leave, their husband will hunt them down and kill them.
Fuck, there are actually a lot of reasons people stay in unhappy marriages.
Shit. Don't get married. Anyone, ever. Just say no.
Fuck, there are actually a lot of reasons people stay in unhappy marriages.
Shit. Don't get married. Anyone, ever. Just say no.
And if you do, just be wary, and the moment they start talking about investing in some "breathable footwear", run.
*At seventeen, I was in the front row at a Sonic Youth gig and made eye contact with Kim, so I kind of do know her really. At least I think we made eye contact, I was having a bit of a 14yr-old-girl-at-a-NewKidsOnTheBlock-concert moment and had tears streaming down my face at the time. Yeah, embarrassing.
No comments:
Post a Comment